Happy Memorial Day!
What fun activities do you have planned today?
What fun activities do you have planned today?
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
{this moment}
{this moment} For me, a Sunday ritual of reflection. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Completely inspired by Soulemama. If you are inspired to do the same, leave your link in the comments for all of us to enjoy.
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Saturday, May 28, 2011
Weekend Links
- 17 Last Minute Gift Ideas From Your Pantry :: Simple Mom (I seem to go to this resource every year for end of year Teacher Gifts!)
- Tips to Travel Overseas With Babies and Kids :: Small Notebook (fabulous for those of you traveling far this summer!)
- Top 10 Slow Cooker Potluck Dishes :: Crockpot 365 (Memorial Day Potluck, anyone?)
- Soulemama's Granola :: Soulemama (We have this with yogurt for breakfast almost daily, but we're looking forward to enjoying it with M&Ms while camping and hiking this weekend!)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Family Time: last day of school!
It's official! School is out for the summer! After Fun Day on Wednesday and a half day today, the year ended with portfolio sharing and a little K graduation. And the kids are out! Remember that old song?
Our kids love school almost as much as they love vacation, but we are all looking forward to a break from the daily routine. Is there anything more relaxing than sleeping in, playing all day, and grilling out for dinner? Ahhh, summer.
What are you most looking forward to this summer?
No more pencils, no more books,
No more teachers' dirty looks!
No more teachers' dirty looks!
Our kids love school almost as much as they love vacation, but we are all looking forward to a break from the daily routine. Is there anything more relaxing than sleeping in, playing all day, and grilling out for dinner? Ahhh, summer.
What are you most looking forward to this summer?
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Don't Leave Me Alone
Last week, we had a very special house guest: Grandpa! Grandpa flew in on a Saturday afternoon and stayed til Thursday. As always, it was too brief a visit, but it was a great one. Oh, how the children love their grandpa! Mae in particular has a very special relationship with each grandparent individually. Grandpa K was especially good at making her laugh and reading her stories.
When we have a house guest, Mae kindly (and with much joy, I might add!) gives up her room and sleeps on the floor in my bedroom. Her room is large, has a full size bed, and has an attached bathroom. She also loves sleeping in our room and the whispering-in-bed chatting that goes along with such an arrangement.
In general, sleep issues are common among adopted children, and our daughter was no exception. In a later post, I’ll go into the ways we reassured our daughter that she was safe enough to go to sleep. It was not an easy fix, but we did it. (She is the only one of my children who will ask to go to bed at night!)
The distinct dislike of being alone transcends bedtime; many adopted children are uncomfortable being alone at all. Why is this? In Mae’s case, being alone is a very upsetting thing. She has come a long way, but it is still hard for her. One example of this is time-out. We so seldom use time-out with Mae and Sam that we often have to re-explain it to them when we choose to enforce it. Oftentimes, it is a result of back-talk. Mae can disagree with me until the cows come home, and we are working hard to teach her to be more respectful.
We learned long ago that having Mae in her room with the door closed is a complete disaster. Rather than calming down, being alone panics her into a frenzy of sweating and screaming. Obviously, we don’t use this method anymore!
Another version involves leaving the door open. More often than not, however, her raging includes slamming her bedroom door over and over. Needless to say, we don’t do this very much either.
When she was younger, we managed by holding her in the rocking chair and letting her scream and cry. It seldom calmed her, but at least we were present during her despair. Now that she is older, a simple five-minute time-out on the steps works beautifully. She is not alone; we are all around her, going about our business.
Whatever the reason for being alone, we always take care to hold and comfort her when the period of separation has ended. Even time on the steps provokes tears and the need for a cuddle. Sometimes I think these moments are the most raw and important for both of us. She desperately needs to know that I will be there for her, and I just as desperately need her to know that I will be. Always and forever.
How does your child react to being alone, even in a non-physical way? What tools do you use to comfort them?
photo credit
When we have a house guest, Mae kindly (and with much joy, I might add!) gives up her room and sleeps on the floor in my bedroom. Her room is large, has a full size bed, and has an attached bathroom. She also loves sleeping in our room and the whispering-in-bed chatting that goes along with such an arrangement.
In general, sleep issues are common among adopted children, and our daughter was no exception. In a later post, I’ll go into the ways we reassured our daughter that she was safe enough to go to sleep. It was not an easy fix, but we did it. (She is the only one of my children who will ask to go to bed at night!)
The distinct dislike of being alone transcends bedtime; many adopted children are uncomfortable being alone at all. Why is this? In Mae’s case, being alone is a very upsetting thing. She has come a long way, but it is still hard for her. One example of this is time-out. We so seldom use time-out with Mae and Sam that we often have to re-explain it to them when we choose to enforce it. Oftentimes, it is a result of back-talk. Mae can disagree with me until the cows come home, and we are working hard to teach her to be more respectful.We learned long ago that having Mae in her room with the door closed is a complete disaster. Rather than calming down, being alone panics her into a frenzy of sweating and screaming. Obviously, we don’t use this method anymore!
Another version involves leaving the door open. More often than not, however, her raging includes slamming her bedroom door over and over. Needless to say, we don’t do this very much either.
When she was younger, we managed by holding her in the rocking chair and letting her scream and cry. It seldom calmed her, but at least we were present during her despair. Now that she is older, a simple five-minute time-out on the steps works beautifully. She is not alone; we are all around her, going about our business.
Whatever the reason for being alone, we always take care to hold and comfort her when the period of separation has ended. Even time on the steps provokes tears and the need for a cuddle. Sometimes I think these moments are the most raw and important for both of us. She desperately needs to know that I will be there for her, and I just as desperately need her to know that I will be. Always and forever.
How does your child react to being alone, even in a non-physical way? What tools do you use to comfort them?
photo credit
Monday, May 23, 2011
Sibling Rivalry
In any family with more than one child, there will be some degree of sibling rivalry. With an adopted child in the mix with biological children, the dynamic can be even more painful.
"Fairness" always seems to top the list of disputes among siblings. "His glass has more milk in it!" one child will cry, sure now that his sibling holds the place of esteem in the household. While this is exhausting, it provides numerous opportunities for children to learn about their place in the family, as well as how Mom and Dad deal with these situations. Let's take a peek into my living room on a recent week night.
The boys are wrestling with Daddy while I pet the cat on my lap and cheer at appropriate times. Mae desperately wants in on the wrestling action, though my husband reminds her that she tends to get hurt during their rough play. She joins in anyway and is kicked in the face almost instantly. While she sobs on my lap, my oldest hurts his back and wants his turn to be comforted by me. Chaos ensues.
From "Daddy doesn't love me; he never plays with me" to "It's not fair that Mae has been in your lap for so long; it's my turn," all play stops as we take the time to re-explain what "fair" is.
"Fairness" always seems to top the list of disputes among siblings. "His glass has more milk in it!" one child will cry, sure now that his sibling holds the place of esteem in the household. While this is exhausting, it provides numerous opportunities for children to learn about their place in the family, as well as how Mom and Dad deal with these situations. Let's take a peek into my living room on a recent week night.
The boys are wrestling with Daddy while I pet the cat on my lap and cheer at appropriate times. Mae desperately wants in on the wrestling action, though my husband reminds her that she tends to get hurt during their rough play. She joins in anyway and is kicked in the face almost instantly. While she sobs on my lap, my oldest hurts his back and wants his turn to be comforted by me. Chaos ensues.From "Daddy doesn't love me; he never plays with me" to "It's not fair that Mae has been in your lap for so long; it's my turn," all play stops as we take the time to re-explain what "fair" is.
The way we've been handling these frequent fairness issues is by sitting the kids down and talking through exactly what is going on in the moment. It seems, for my children, that generalization does not work in this situation. We reassure Mae that her boo-boo is OK but ask her if she wants an icepack. This validates her injury but also takes the burden of "fixing it" off of me and on to her.
After she is set up next to me on the couch with ice and her blanket, we turn to Ted. A brief back rub and a talk about how, in minute-by-minute detail, his back got hurt are all he needs, and he is on his way again. All of that took about three minutes, at which point Sam is ready for a snuggle, just because. I indulge him, and we all agree that it's time to move into our bedtime routine.
With all my children, snuggle time is the most valuable way to fill up their "love tanks," if you will. Whether it's just a snuggle on the couch, a treasured lap seat during a story, a before-bed massage or a bath time chat, that one-on-one time is key to my children's sense of fairness and well being. As you can imagine, Mae has always needed more - more touch, more hugs, more kisses, more reassurance. As long as I am careful to include what the boys need too, all three of them can end the day feeling like it's been a fair one. And sometimes, that is all they need.
Please chime in! How do you navigate sibling rivalry in your home? Share your tips or stories in the comments section.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
{this moment}
{this moment} For me, a Sunday ritual of reflection. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.
Completely inspired by Soulemama. If you are inspired to do the same, leave your link in the comments for all of us to enjoy.
* * * * * * *
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Weekend Links
- Adoption Lessons for Every Parent :: Columbus Parent (beautiful article)
- A Child After 40 Community :: Flower Power Mom (a new community!)
- 5 Ways Blogging Can Make You a Better Person :: ProBlogger (Jamie Martin of Steady Mom and mother of 3 kiddos: 1 bio, 1 from Liberia and 1 from India! She is one of my heroes!)
- Find Your Passion In Three Steps :: Michael Hyatt
- What School Lunches Look Like In 20 Countries Around the World :: BuzzFeed (fascinating!)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Family Time: new bike!
Creating a content-rich blog has proved to be an intriguing, fulfilling, and interesting process. Check back on Monday for my post on Sibling Rivalry!
In the meantime, a quick snapshot of our Friday will be the topic today. This morning started early at 5:45am. Ted bounded into the room, crushed that the Tooth Fairy hadn't left him any money (oops.) Unable to face two hours of over-tired children, we spent a lazy hour in bed cuddling before having breakfast at our favorite coffee shop, Ozo.
After school, Mae and I brought the boys' bikes to the bike store to be tuned up for the season. Mae, who has been knocking her knees on the handlebars of her 16" bike for a while now, test-drove a few different models of 20" bikes. She chose a purple Specialized bike with one hand brake and the foot brakes. This is the same type of bike Sam has and she's ridden his with ease.
I am glad she didn't choose the one with gears and only hand breaks. I made that mistake with tiny five-year-old Ted and he was a timid biker for a long time, before he grew into his bike. It's funny how eager I seem to be to push Ted along to the next milestone while dragging my feet with Sam and Mae.
She was so excited that we decided to drop the boys' bikes off at school, drive home, then bike back to pick them up (they elected to stay in After-Care with their buddies rather than accompany us to the bike store). I thought Ole deserved a walk and the sun was out (finally!). It seemed like such a perfect day.
Did you hear the music of doom in that last sentence? As soon as the boys hopped on their bikes to join us on the return trip, the heavens opened. It rained. It poured. It hailed. (Yes, really). It thundered. There was much lightening. There were many, many tears.
We eventually made it home and after toweling off, snuggled together in bed lamenting our poor choice of timing. After a time, everyone recovered and we were off to TKD and dinner at Red Robin with our neighbors. Whew. That was an epic ride I won't soon forget!
In the meantime, a quick snapshot of our Friday will be the topic today. This morning started early at 5:45am. Ted bounded into the room, crushed that the Tooth Fairy hadn't left him any money (oops.) Unable to face two hours of over-tired children, we spent a lazy hour in bed cuddling before having breakfast at our favorite coffee shop, Ozo.
After school, Mae and I brought the boys' bikes to the bike store to be tuned up for the season. Mae, who has been knocking her knees on the handlebars of her 16" bike for a while now, test-drove a few different models of 20" bikes. She chose a purple Specialized bike with one hand brake and the foot brakes. This is the same type of bike Sam has and she's ridden his with ease.I am glad she didn't choose the one with gears and only hand breaks. I made that mistake with tiny five-year-old Ted and he was a timid biker for a long time, before he grew into his bike. It's funny how eager I seem to be to push Ted along to the next milestone while dragging my feet with Sam and Mae.
She was so excited that we decided to drop the boys' bikes off at school, drive home, then bike back to pick them up (they elected to stay in After-Care with their buddies rather than accompany us to the bike store). I thought Ole deserved a walk and the sun was out (finally!). It seemed like such a perfect day.
Did you hear the music of doom in that last sentence? As soon as the boys hopped on their bikes to join us on the return trip, the heavens opened. It rained. It poured. It hailed. (Yes, really). It thundered. There was much lightening. There were many, many tears.
We eventually made it home and after toweling off, snuggled together in bed lamenting our poor choice of timing. After a time, everyone recovered and we were off to TKD and dinner at Red Robin with our neighbors. Whew. That was an epic ride I won't soon forget!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Why did we adopt?
My passion for the topic of adoption-related issues began before my children were even born. My husband and I married young; he was twenty-nine and I was twenty-five. We had dated for five years and we both knew early on that we were meant to be together.
We were married in 1998 and promptly moved to another state and both started new jobs. We were eager to start a family but it didn’t come easily for my fickle ovaries. After three years of trying, we sought help and were able to conceive using Clomid. At the time, I was so glad the waiting was over. Little did I realize how important those frustrating three years would be to our family!
During those years, we had many open and honest discussions about what we could and couldn’t afford regarding fertility treatments. We knew Clomid was it for us (I was a doctoral student at the time and any extra money Paul brought in was quickly handed over to the university). Adoption came into the discussion and we both agreed it would be a wonderful way to create a family.
Years later, when I was pregnant with our second, we decided that if he was a boy, we would adopt a daughter. I have a great relationship with my mother, as she did with her mother, and I wanted a daughter too. We joked that Sam was the middle child before he was even born. We were at a “meet the baby” party two months later when I met Elyana, my friend’s daughter from China. Elyana was a few months older than Sam and as I nursed my fussy baby, I gazed at the little girl, overcome with emotion.
I went home that afternoon and reminded Paul that we needed to talk again about adopting our daughter. Since Ted and Sam were so close in age (only eighteen months apart), we decided to start work on our adoption so the three children could all play together. Eighteen months later, my daughter was handed to me in China, nine months old and amazing.
After a blissful honeymoon period in China, I brought my daughter home and our lives began as a family of five. It was not easy. Mae had serious sleep problems and severe attachment issues. Luckily, she adored her big brothers and they accepted her into their world rather easily, at least when she was younger.
As she grew older, we began reaching out for help, chatting with other parents of adopted children, meeting with a therapist once a week, and having many phone consultations with the adoption specialist at our wonderful agency, CCAI. My oldest son, Ted, was going through his own set of problems, both physical (sensory) and emotional (fear of me leaving him). Sam had been a difficult and fussy baby from day one but around three years old, he seemed to relax and be more at peace with himself. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Our whole family was stressed, sleep-deprived and weepy. It was only with help that we learned how to calm and comfort our daughter, as well as how to help Ted with his needs.
The reason I started this blog was to document our lives, especially leading up to and during my time in China. Both my parents and Paul’s family live far away, and this was a way they could stay updated. I tried my hand at blogging and fell in love with it. Through tagging posts, I found that my adoption posts spoke to people in similar situations.
I am re-dedicating this blog to speak to the challenges I have faced, and still face. We are a family with two biological sons, one adopted daughter and two loving parents. We have laughed during the moments of joy and wept during the moments of pain, but we have come out of it stronger for it, and closer as a family.
I invite any and all visitors to leave feedback and/or their own stories in the Comments section. Let us all support one another in this adventure of parenting!
We were married in 1998 and promptly moved to another state and both started new jobs. We were eager to start a family but it didn’t come easily for my fickle ovaries. After three years of trying, we sought help and were able to conceive using Clomid. At the time, I was so glad the waiting was over. Little did I realize how important those frustrating three years would be to our family!
During those years, we had many open and honest discussions about what we could and couldn’t afford regarding fertility treatments. We knew Clomid was it for us (I was a doctoral student at the time and any extra money Paul brought in was quickly handed over to the university). Adoption came into the discussion and we both agreed it would be a wonderful way to create a family.
Years later, when I was pregnant with our second, we decided that if he was a boy, we would adopt a daughter. I have a great relationship with my mother, as she did with her mother, and I wanted a daughter too. We joked that Sam was the middle child before he was even born. We were at a “meet the baby” party two months later when I met Elyana, my friend’s daughter from China. Elyana was a few months older than Sam and as I nursed my fussy baby, I gazed at the little girl, overcome with emotion.
I went home that afternoon and reminded Paul that we needed to talk again about adopting our daughter. Since Ted and Sam were so close in age (only eighteen months apart), we decided to start work on our adoption so the three children could all play together. Eighteen months later, my daughter was handed to me in China, nine months old and amazing.
After a blissful honeymoon period in China, I brought my daughter home and our lives began as a family of five. It was not easy. Mae had serious sleep problems and severe attachment issues. Luckily, she adored her big brothers and they accepted her into their world rather easily, at least when she was younger.As she grew older, we began reaching out for help, chatting with other parents of adopted children, meeting with a therapist once a week, and having many phone consultations with the adoption specialist at our wonderful agency, CCAI. My oldest son, Ted, was going through his own set of problems, both physical (sensory) and emotional (fear of me leaving him). Sam had been a difficult and fussy baby from day one but around three years old, he seemed to relax and be more at peace with himself. It couldn’t have come at a better time. Our whole family was stressed, sleep-deprived and weepy. It was only with help that we learned how to calm and comfort our daughter, as well as how to help Ted with his needs.
The reason I started this blog was to document our lives, especially leading up to and during my time in China. Both my parents and Paul’s family live far away, and this was a way they could stay updated. I tried my hand at blogging and fell in love with it. Through tagging posts, I found that my adoption posts spoke to people in similar situations.
I am re-dedicating this blog to speak to the challenges I have faced, and still face. We are a family with two biological sons, one adopted daughter and two loving parents. We have laughed during the moments of joy and wept during the moments of pain, but we have come out of it stronger for it, and closer as a family.
I invite any and all visitors to leave feedback and/or their own stories in the Comments section. Let us all support one another in this adventure of parenting!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Welcome to my NEW & IMPROVED Adoption blog!
The Daily Grind has served as my own personal calendar, diary, photo album and sounding board while our family learned how to become a family of five. Back in August of 2005 (the very month our daughter was born halfway across the world), I launched The Daily Grind to document our adoption. Interspersed with adoption-related musings, I also kept my friends and family (and my memory) abreast of the boys’ antics. As the years wore on, I was able to express the joys and woes of parenting while also making time to talk about my goals and plans. It’s been a wonderful home for my thoughts, and I’ve loved sharing them with you!
Recently, I’ve had more frequent traffic to my adoption links, with personal and heartfelt emails thanking me for posting and asking me further questions about certain issues. I decided to try “going pro” with this little blog, and seeing if I can help more people in the complex yet rich task of raising our adopted children.
I hope to identify some common issues we all face as adoptive parents and answer some questions about how my family has fared in these areas. I am very excited to review adoption-related resources as well as share some family rituals, house rules and the adoption-friendly language we use in our home. I hope to publish twice a week for the first month. Mondays and Thursdays will be content days and I plan to address feedback and questions on the other days, as well as continue to blog about our family life.
I invite you to subscribe to my RSS feed, follow me, or bookmark the blog, so you don’t ever miss a post!
Join me on Twitter (handle: ellensgrind) or on Facebook (Ellen Kessie Moeller).
I heartily and enthusiastically welcome your feedback, and count on it to keep the topics relevant and tailored to what you need! I am but five years into my journey with my beautiful daughter, and feel as though I’ve learned more in these five years than in my previous thirty-plus! Welcome!
Recently, I’ve had more frequent traffic to my adoption links, with personal and heartfelt emails thanking me for posting and asking me further questions about certain issues. I decided to try “going pro” with this little blog, and seeing if I can help more people in the complex yet rich task of raising our adopted children.
I hope to identify some common issues we all face as adoptive parents and answer some questions about how my family has fared in these areas. I am very excited to review adoption-related resources as well as share some family rituals, house rules and the adoption-friendly language we use in our home. I hope to publish twice a week for the first month. Mondays and Thursdays will be content days and I plan to address feedback and questions on the other days, as well as continue to blog about our family life.
I invite you to subscribe to my RSS feed, follow me, or bookmark the blog, so you don’t ever miss a post!
Join me on Twitter (handle: ellensgrind) or on Facebook (Ellen Kessie Moeller).
I heartily and enthusiastically welcome your feedback, and count on it to keep the topics relevant and tailored to what you need! I am but five years into my journey with my beautiful daughter, and feel as though I’ve learned more in these five years than in my previous thirty-plus! Welcome!
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy 5th Mae Day!
Today was Mae's 5th Mae Day! 5 years ago today, I spent the day getting to know my little girl. You can take the trip down memory lane with me by reading the post HERE and/or watching the video HERE. I can't believe it's only been 5 years. Truth be told, I can't believe that she is only 5 years old. She is wise beyond her years in so many ways. We spent time watching any and all videos of Mae, eating a delicious array of Chinese food and celebrating with a DQ cake with our friends. Mae especially loves THIS VIDEO (only watch the 1st 5 minutes for in-China footage) where she's all cute and giggly. She is a toughie, there's no doubt about it, but what a joy and a treasure to have her in our lives. We wouldn't have it any other way. Happy Mae Day, Mae-Mae!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Even Mae...
Glasses! She needs them for exactly the same reason Ted did - convergence. Both her eyes dart off to the side when she tries to focus her eyes. She'll do vision therapy like Ted did. I know alot of people think it's whooey, but it worked for Ted, and I'm a believer! I bet the people who say it didn't work didn't keep up with the "homework" that you're supposed to do. Anyway, she is pleased as punch with her glasses and is happy to wear them (just for up close stuff).
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